A lot of people have been telling me I don’t have a life. They meant life outside school.

A lot of people have been asking me what do I do after school. They meant activities that doesn’t involve anything academic.

I do have a life, just not outside of school. Inside.

I do value school like Golum’s ring in the Lord of The Rings: “My Precioussssss”.

I found my life in school. A lot of people always find school as boring, always associated with the long dull readings, two-page numerical solutions, ten-page essays, projects and etc.

I say these things give me a sense of purpose, goals that I set to see where I am leading my life in to. To see that I am not just studying aimlessly, just to finish university or just to land on a decent job. I want to be better, better than myself from yesterday, from last week, from last month, from last year.

School is not JUST an institution for me. It’s my home.

Of course the process is dull and confusing, but the things that you can pick up from these dry and puzzling materials are just wonderful and for those who can see them, can help them in building their own character.

I love learning. Learning makes me feel alive. It’s just like a pinch, it makes you feel pain and with feeling pain you know you’re alive. I can describe the learning process like this,

1) you go to class
2) take notes
3) study
4) take the test
5) you fail or you succeed but you want to be better
6) study
7) take the test again
you succeeded or you are better

Yes, it is stressful, it is hard, but that’s what makes school fun and worthwhile. When someday, we will all look back to what we have done, you will be impressed with yourself that you did something hard and stressful, and you survived it. And when you look at yourself from your freshman year and then looking at yourself right now, you’ll be surprised by the things that changed you, from the things that helped you survive through those hardships. These things can potentially help you survive life.

I am in engineering and everyday that I go in to class, I find happiness when I know that someday, some of these things that I learn in the classroom will change somebody’s life for the better. It’s a big thing you know. Having that chance to change someone’s life is something gratifying, something that we humans innately do whether conscious or unconscious. We do change people’s lives everyday even if you’re not an engineer.

I grew up in a very poor country. Poverty ridden. Power lusting government officials lead my country. But, if you look in to the eye of its people, they are yearning for better and brighter future. They know no one can help them but themselves. Some kids are forced to work in an early age and never step a toe in a classroom, never get to touch a pencil or a paper, never get to learn how to sing the alphabet or count the sheep in their sleep. I doubt they would even know what a sheep is. Good and decent education is rare, very rare in my own country. That’s why I value school this much.

I value my school and my education so much because my family is not rich. I am not secured for the rest of my life and I doubt that there would be anything left for me and my brother when my parents pass away, maybe except for a very little amount of money from an insurance company. sure. But this, my school and education, are the only things that I have and the only things that I will have. This is the grandest gift I can ever receive from my parents. No one can take this away from me.

I know, some people will tell me I am studying for myself, but hold on. Do these people even know the meaning of deep gratitude? It is by working hard, doing the best that I can, that I can repay the kindness and goodness that my parents have given to me.

I love school because this is the only thing that I have. I treasure it. I am not good in sports, I don’t have the physical ability to even last a game. I am not good in the arts, I only know shading and color blending, I don’t have the sense of the abstract. It’s ambiguous, and me and ambiguity aren’t really good friends. I am not good with interacting with people, I don’t know, I think I’m socially retarded. But this one thing, one thing I am very good at, working hard. I am not the best student in my program, I am not even on the dean’s list but everyday, I enter the classroom or a lab, and I pour everything that I have to what I do and in the end, maybe my device isn’t working or maybe I did not ace the test, but the fact that I did the best that I can is just humbling. Humbling because of the humongous amount of stuff there is to learn and I barely know anything. It’s what keeps me going because I know that when I learn something today, it’ll make me a better student, or more so a better person, tomorrow.

Maybe people won’t see it until I tell them. Maybe they won’t stop telling me to have a life until they’ve seen what really is my life. Most of them refer to the life of a party, of fun and enjoyment. They can’t see fun and fulfillment through books, papers, solution manuals and numbers. Maybe that’s why they tell me I’m weird. But hey, no harm at all. If they can’t see it, it’s not their fault. I’m not going to keep a grudge on them. Maybe someday they’ll see.

This is my life. This is what I call life. And to tell me to get a life is just really redundant, because I already have one.

Can`t wait to go back home..

“You need to have a life”, a lot of people tell me this.

Yeah, that is true. I need to have a life. But how can you need something, when you already have it? I already have a life. I found my life in books, in computers, in robots, in engineering, in school. I found my life in helping others in their success in the academia. Although, telling these things to them won’t make them consider those as life, I don’t really care. One person even said that he finds it ‘disgusting’ that I want to bury myself with books and work and how I’m wanting to go to school really bad.Over the years and considering the frequency of these things being thrown at me, I learned not to care. A very good friend of mine said that ‘.. yeah but that can still leave a sting’, she’s right. It does. I learned not to care but that does not mean that I’m going to be impervious to its side effects.

Just recently, I saw a sneak peek of my grades for the fall semester and I was quite devastated to find out that my GPA went down by 0.11 (from 3.2 to 3.09). There are two major reasons why I got really saddened by this small GPA drop (and I still am):

1) I worked my ass off this semester (as you can tell, no updates for four months). I was even at
the verge of completely separating myself to the outside world. I’m not very smart and I’m not a quick learner so I need a lot of time to study and practice. So, it’s just really devastating to see my GPA drop considering the amount of effort I put in. I guess I’m a very inefficient machine when it comes to information storage and logic.

2) This for sure will cost me a spot in med school. I mean, I was at 3.2, I was .3 away from a 3.5 (minimum average to get in to the med school I’m aiming for), turned out that when I worked harder I even got pulled back instead of advancing. Now, im at 3.09 which is like .41 from the minimum. Studying medicine and being able to help people with science is my life long dream it would be really really devastating not to get in (Although I still have the option of teaching which I love to do as well, but getting in to medicine would be really really awesome).

Yes you may tell me that its not a lot, I can still get that 0.11 or even higher next semester, but the work involved in getting that 0.11 back, is really brutal.

But I’m still determined. I’m gonna get that 0.11 back, whatever it takes. I’m gonna get into med school no matter what!

HAHAHA. right. that’s full of crap.

Almost everyone has their own dream girl/guy. When asked, almost everyone releases a torrent of descriptive words (usually very dreamy and sweet, almost like a character from a fairy tale) of what they would want their dream girl/guy to be. Basically, fulfilling their requirements.

In my case, I once had a picture of my dream girl in my head. But that got trashed couple of years ago. Now, I don’t really have a dream girl anymore. Come what may I say! Come what may!

Why?

First of all, as I’ve said, it’s all bullcrap.

Second, rationally speaking, no woman in the entire universe can wrap up all the things that I want/need from my dream girl in one package (if ever there is, there is a very very low probability of finding this woman and of bumping into her in 10 years. Say its 1%-3%. Of course this probability will still go down because of age, sexuality and relational margins). And as Theodore Evelyn Mosby a.k.a. Josh Radner would say, ‘what’s her ‘but’? A person always has her/his ‘but’ after someone told you their good qualities’. Someone will always have a but, but our dream persons are perfect (or we always make them/want them perfect and no ‘buts’.)

But for the sole sake of this entry, I would gladly pick up that picture again and I would share with the world who should my dream girl be (or who I used to dream of should be).

I will describe her in three different categories as this will make things easier for me; physicality, brain content and more importantly, attitude.

On the grounds of Physicality

Ah, physical beauty. This is the main thing everyone looks at first and foremost before approaching someone they like. If they are not too attractive for someone’s taste, any type of business will never happen. But if they do pass their criteria, it’s a go.

As a guy, when I look out for girls, I usually check out her face and complexion first. Her shape and ‘cleanliness indicators’ comes 2nd and her rack and behind goes on 3rd and 4th, respectively.

I like women with a fair-to-very good skin complexion. I personally like women who have almost white and soft skin (not referring to the white people, they don’t have to be necessarily racially white). I like women with eyes ranging from being chinky to being normally ellipse-d. And for some reasons, I find women with prominent jaws very attractive (I observed this when I was watching CSI Las Vegas, I don’t really know her full name but she was called ‘Mindy’ in one of those episodes where they were ‘thought experimenting. She works in the CSI lab and David Hodges a.k.a. Wallace Langham likes her. I find her really attractive. Also, Colbie Smoulders a.k.a. Robin Scherbatsky of How I Met Your Mother has this facial feature too and I also find her hot) Also some of my lady-friends (I don’t want to say girlfriends because it’s too gay) have this facial feature and they’re just awesome. I also find women with long, jet black and kind-of-wavy hair very sexy. Trimmed eyebrows (but not overly exaggerated), no facial hair (even if its just a speck of hair down the edge of the upper lip is a big NO, women are not supposed to have facial hair), no armpit hair (as in ZERO, its disgusting) are all pluses as these show how they like uniformity and cleanliness. I also like women with good sized racks, to be honest. I don’t like it flat, I don’t like it ginormous as well. Just the right size (fake is a big NO, it doesn’t count since it’s fake). I like women who keep their body in good shape (or at least try) as this show how well they treat their own selves (as this will somehow reflect on how well they treat others too). A nicely shaped behind is also a plus but not really necessary. Finally, no overdone make-ups please.

On the grounds of Brain Content

Okay, there are a lot of women that qualify the above description BUT some of them, no I mean, MOST of them are STUPID. I mean, nowadays, it is very rare to find a complete package of beauty, brains and conscience. Like they don’t have a clue what they’re doing. They’re like the dumb blondes. This video would summarize my frustration against hot but stupid women

say whaaat?

I like women who excel in academics. If not in academics, I like women who excel in their own field, who knows what they are doing, who knows what they need and what they want. I like women with very broad imagination. I like smart women, but not manipulative.

Most Importantly, Attitude

This is very easy. “Not a whinny bitch”. I like women who respect an individual’s privacy, opinions and views. I like women who are a bit sensitive. I like women who respect their parents and are grateful to them. I like women who have initiative. I like women who know where and when to stop and/or start. I like women who are sweet and are very generous. compassionate. very understanding is a plus. Most of all, I like women who are faithful to their partners.

But we all know that in the end, no one will end up with their perfect dream girl/boy, no one does (if they ever do, they’re lucky bastards and bitches).

It’s just a matter of accepting or coming in to terms with the flaws of an individual and letting that be their definition of the ‘perfect’ man or woman. After all, true love knows no bounds.

I miss Manila.

Hinahanap-hanap kita Manila.

Even though I explain it to you guys, you will not understand what are these. Even I don’t understand the theory behind them yet.  These two are only parts of a bigger system that I was tasked to make for Biomedical Imaging. They’re a bitch to make since I don’t have enough experience on the field yet but next summer I’m expecting to get some more engineering work and some components like these done.

It’s Friday. You know what I did? stayed at the lab until 7 pm trying to assemble an OCT system. My lab mates were telling me to go home and go do whatever. They said I’m too young to be wasting my Friday nights at work. I told them that I’m not gonna be doing anything important at home and I don’t want to hang out with ‘those’ people I might as well work on something worthwhile.

Yeah, I noticed I don’t really have any good friends over here. The ones to whom I can talk, hang out and just chill with (and maybe drink beers in between).  I came to parties and chillages with ‘those’ people couple of times and none of those times I really enjoyed. I always get picked on for some reasons I don’t understand. Is it because I don’t do or say anything? (because it’s just going to be a nonsensical move to do something to those people, trust me no one understands my logic behind this reasoning). And every time I come with them they make me feel small and stupid especially that cocky, ugly, dumb, bastard who feels like he can get any girl that he wants. Although I always give them their due respect I never really got anything back, I never earned their respect. I think if I do something stupid, yeah maybe they’ll give me some, but I’m not really after their respect. I don’t really care. If this is what they’re going to give me, then fine, but I’m not going to be treated someone who is lowly as a monkey. They just don’t understand. No one really understands.

What I truly miss are my friends back home. We can talk about anything and make each one feel that they belong. We can drink beer and share our stories for the day without getting drunk or even tipsy. We do things together. We treat each other equally.

Here, they usually plan events, parties and celebrations.

To be honest, I don’t like planned events. It’s boring. It’s like following a strict schedule for a class. I just want to do whatever comes to mind. Be spontaneous. Sometimes I want to just hang out, watch tv and drink beer (without getting  drunk) at someone’s house and talk

I miss the old friendly me. The social patterns here in Canada killed my friendliness. I could usually make friends with someone who I don’t know in 10 mins.

I miss talking to strangers. I miss making friends with strangers from the side walk. I miss having good friends. I miss chilling out in the streets.

I used to have a lot of good friends who accepted my weirdness with arms wide open. They treated me like they are my own brothers and sisters. They treated me with respect and I gave it back to them ten-fold.

I miss the old friendly me. I miss the weirdness in me. It died out a few years ago. I had to let it go, or else I will not fit in here.

I miss them so much.

I’m content with my life right now, but to have good friends would be really awesome.

]]> http://casiofx991ms.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/59/feed/ 0 casiofx991ms IMG00096-20090828-1310(2) IMG00095-20090828-1310(2) lonely1 http://casiofx991ms.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/whats-so-dota-about-you/ http://casiofx991ms.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/whats-so-dota-about-you/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:38:46 +0000 casiofx991ms http://casiofx991ms.wordpress.com/?p=42 ]]> I think this certain map of Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, has been sweeping all gamers all over the world off their feet ever since I was in 2nd year high school, roughly 2004, (I’m not sure but may be earlier than that), and it’s not even the Warcraft III game, it’s just a map like those where in one can play a strategy game building armies of dragons, humans, orcs, spiders, zombies and what not and conquering the opposing team.

DotA, or also known as the Defense of the Ancients, is more of a team-playing game (although the other maps can also be a team-playing game). No armies here, just a solo avatar which one can equip with weapons, armors and spells which all depends on the avatar type (strength type, agility type, or intelligence type) to improve its overall performance as a  character. These avatars are drafted in two teams of 5, the Sentinel and the Scourge. The main goal of this game is to overthrow the opposing team by plowing their base and destroying the “Throne” (for Scourge) or the “Tree” (for Sentinel). An avatar can be become stronger by killing “creeps” or the normal monsters or by killing an avatar of the opposing team.

Since I left the Philippines in 2007, I still can hear clear echoes of DotA-happenings from there. Not only in the Philippines you can find players of this game but all around the globe.

I’ve played with different nationalities before and I think I can categorize every DotA player into 3 groups; The Casual, The Avid and The Addict/Insane.

The Casual

They play just for fun. These people play DotA to kill time especially when they don’t have anything worthwhile to do or they’ve just finished the day’s job. They play an hour or so but no more than 2 hours every other day. They are often called ‘noobies’ in the game because of their unhoned and rusty skills in playing, which is a very offensive and foul word against the avid and the addict, but they don’t really care (but some of them are really good considering how often they play the game which makes them really awesome, though this doesn’t mean that they’re not once addicts). They’re the garbage bins of trash talkers but usually they will respond in a *nod* or an “okay”. To win or lose is not of a big deal to them. It’s all just a game. These people actually have jobs/careers, family, friends and a overall very good balanced social life.

The Avid/Creepers

Avid gamers are those people who always have time to kill (even in the middle of a class or while in the job). This is the category where most geeks and nerds of gaming belong. They know how to strategize and tactically plan to how to kill
their opponent. Sometimes, They can be really annoying for some reasons like telling people how they should play their chosen/randomed avatar and what not. They play in an average of 5 to 12 hours a day. They can be sometimes mistaken for an addict or casual because of their gaming performance. Their gaming performance is mood dependent. They can sometimes suck really bad or win in an epic game, it all depends on their mood.They do trash talks every now and then depends on their mood. They have a couple of friends and a mix of cyber friends. They’re not that close to their families. They don’t really care much about the happenings around them. Usually their careers are on a downhill ride and these people can sometimes be a pain in the butt having around parties and celebrations because they are usually the party poopers; all they do is talk about their game like it’s their life (which is half true) and getting on a rage when people talk crap about their game. You can usually find comic books, posters of their favorite avatar and personalized Warcraft III stuff in their room. They even change their names and their profile pictures on social networking websites to their favorite avatar’s name and face.

The Addict/Insane

These are the people that have no life whatsoever. Their lives depend on DotA. They feed their families from DotA money. They pay their bills from DotA money. It is essentially their life line. They play on an average of 12-18 hours everyday. You can clearly spot an addict in a game; doesn’t talk to team mates, avatar grows stronger faster than average, can kill your avatar more frequently, can get ‘godly’ equips in a matter of minutes. These people are always MIA. You can’t find these people anywhere outside their rooms or computer shops. They like to trash talk a lot. You will not stand a chance in talking back to this kind of DotA player because it’s like you’re talking to a five year old. Some DotA players who are considered adults and who are considered to fall in this category are really dumb when it comes to arguments so don’t bother arguing back (and it’s a freaking game, who cares about what you argue), just be casual and say “okay.”. They can get really angry when you were able to kill their avatar. They sometimes result to popping up tantrums and excessive display of anger (i.e. smashing the keyboards with their bare hands, throwing off the mouse, etc.).  Those DotA players who fall in this category are usually mentally, emotionally and physically depressed. In some cases, they are homeless but still manage to beg for some change to play for hours. They usually have unstable personalities switching from in-game to real life every now and then (which can be analogous to a sinusoidal wave with large frequencies) and likes to associate their daily lives with the game itself. They usually don’t have career paths, they stay all day in computer shops or at home spewing spit all over the monitor trash talking some guy in the internet (my advise to anyone is to never play in a computer shop, like they do in the Philippines, if you are a casual or an avid gamer, because more likely you’ll get beaten up by these unstable freaks of nature). Also, they usually have girlfriends/boyfriends but do not last long as DotA is their main concern in the course of their relationship (stupid hobos). Lastly, they do have friends but they’re fellow insane/addict so essentially, they don’t really have a real social life, they often go to get beers and smoke for a while but you’ll find them in front of the computer as soon as they finish. They don’t have families to go home to anymore since they’ve given up everything in the name of DotA.

So what makes DotA so addicting?

The game itself is not so addicting, to be honest. It’s like counter strike with only one map, and it’s played over and over again. Only improvements that you can find are the addition of heroes (that I think will soon come to an end because of the almost redundancy of other heroes like Spirit Breaker and Tauren Chieftain, unless Blizzard has more creatures in store for these gamers, they can always rig one and turn it to DotA avatar) the and rigging some of their abilities and item enhancements.

The addicting factor about DotA is the thrill and suspense that one can get when playing with a group of friends or a group of  strangers (which is both good and bad; good because you can always make friends. bad because you don’t know these people they might be one of the addicts or avids, they might beat you up after the game) and the sense of pride that your friends and other people give when you are good at the game. They make you feel like you’re a cool guy with lots of skills and mojos one can ever have (what a bunch of dumb asses).

So is DotA a stupid game?

To be honest, no it’s not a stupid game. It is a fun and very enjoyable game.

What makes it stupid is the people who play it especially those people who fall under the addict category.

It’s just a game for crying out loud!!

Why would anyone waste their lives for a game? For all those hours that you spent on playing this game, you could’ve been doing marvels around your community. You could’ve been in the gym building up your body and staying healthy. You could’ve been at school learning a lot of neat stuff which are very very essential in building your own future. You could’ve been volunteering at your local hospital or shelter helping the needy and the weary. You could’ve had a very very happy relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You could’ve been making big bucks from the diploma that you got out of college. But what? you’re stuck in that chair asking for one more game.

There are so many things you could’ve done but chose not to because you’re trying to kill that guy who killed your avatar last match. That’s what makes the game stupid.

In fact this kind of people make any game stupid.

I’m a video game enthusiast and I’ve seen a lot of lives get destroyed by games (if not destroyed, deeply scarred). They have to learn self control and they need to have friends around who can show them that their is life outside 6.62b map and after the score boards have shown.

Don’t be stupid. Play responsibly.

Enough said.

If you read the post below this one, I mentioned the name ‘Kristine’ who was my girlfriend for 3 years. I also mentioned she apparently has a daughter, a husband and has been living with her ‘allegedly’ mother-in-law somewhere in the province of Pampanga (or Pangasinan, whatever [some province in the Philippines]).

Those are all BULLCRAP.

A good acquaintance of mine from my high school in the Philippines told me the whole truth and I do believe that that is the truth because first, he lives like three houses away from her, also I can’t see any reason why he would lie to me and he is trained for integrity for all I know (He was a former officer of our Civilian Army Training). He told me that she is still living in Laguna (the province where I originally came from), with no babies and a fucktard for a husband (sorry for the term, but I just had to).

So maybe now you have a little hint as to why am I so pissed?

I just don’t get it. Why did she have to lie to me, AGAIN?

While she was telling me this over messenger, I was expressing my disappointment to her too. I was empathizing with her. I told her she could’ve been a flight attendant and traveling all over the world which she has always dreamed to do (I know this because she always talks about this). On my side of the computer, I was so distressed and sad for her but on her side of the computer, she must be laughing the hell out of her wits. How could I fall for this classic old trap? I felt really stupid. I mean, why would she do that? Why would she lie to me, AGAIN? I mean, we barely talk and we barely know each other anymore and we’re worlds apart but she can still gather the guts to lie to me.

She lied to me for so many times while we were still together. She always, lied to me (but up to this day, I’m still confused why is she doing this). She lied to everybody. I don’t know why I stuck with her for so long. Now I feel like 3 years of my life was wasted on a liar. I was stupid, I know.

2 years back then, while we we’re still together, she got a me in to a fight (but it’s partially my fault too, I have to admit that). We were talking on the phone that night and I was asking who was this guy that she keeps on seeing everyday and she keeps on telling me that it’s her friend. So for sometime I just let it pass because she said it was a ‘friend’. Who in the right mind would stop a person in having friends right? But things turned for the worse, she’s always on the phone with the guy and they’re spending more time together, so I confronted her. I asked her what’s up with her and with the guy. She answered in a kind of giggling and sniggering manner. She said ‘nothing’. So I got really pissed off. She’s telling me nothing and they’re spending too much time together. Isn’t that very very suspicious? But this is the worst part, she told me that she love the guy (but she told me after that it was a joke and she was blaming me for it). I got really furious, really really furious. So, I squeezed the number of the guy from her and texted the guy and said all these things; to go away and back off and I was bragging all these stuff that I can do (whatever), I’m giving you guys too much freedom I might loose my girlfriend but he did not budge so I challenged him to a fist fight (which was really stupid mind you) and sadly I got beaten up.

That’s like a punch to my ego too. Not only I got a bloody mouth but I got a bloody ego after that. I was blaming myself why did I do that. I was so stupid. I was ready to die out of shame.

But why am I blaming only myself? I should blame her too. If she did not give his number to me nothing would’ve happened. If she did not tell me that she love the guy I wouldn’t have acted so stupid. If she did not make me really jealous and suspicious, none of these would have happened.

She also lied to me when she told me that she’s going to my graduation. I was really expecting her to come and see me get my hard earned diploma but I wasn’t really expecting her to come down with my parents (my parents had have some issues with her too) or something ugly might happen. I was just expecting her to just be there. But after that night, I called her house and asked her; “did you see me?” she told me “yes.” So I tested her then if she actually saw me. I asked her “What was the design on the stage?”. “……” No answer. after 5 minutes “……” Still no answer. I was really pissed off and screamed on her ears and I hanged up on her. For days, I did not talk to her (and it is like she did not even care) but in the end I was the one who apologized.

How can I be so stupid to have stucked with this girl for 3 years. All she can do is just lie, lie and lie. Maybe because her life is built on lies and that’s why she’s so good at it.

ah screw this. I’m too pissed off to write longer.

Just a preamble, I’m not gonna be talking specifically about the Christian God. So please keep an open mind as you read along because I know I`m not in the right position to say these stuff. These are just what I feel, what I believe, what I know.

I am a Catholic Christian and let me tell you now that I’m not a big fan of religion. I have read bits and pieces of information about the history, practices, anomalies and all other stuff about the Catholic church, “our” God and the people, or what we call it “The Church” and so far I’ve been very very disappointed to find out that the Catholic church has also left its dirty tracks on the paved road of history while all this time they are trying to evangelize people, acting so righteous and godly, to believe in “our” God, that he will forgive “our” sins and He is the only salvation from the death of the soul.

Also, I’ve been scouring YouTube for AlienScientist’s “factual videos”, books of Dr. Michio Kaku (a theoretical physicist from University of California, one of the researchers of the String Theory and M-Theory) and trying to make sense of all the things that’s happening around us.

Let me give you two pictures. I want you to take a moment and look at them and try to internalize what is it trying to relay.

Let me discuss with you this first picture. A girl praying to a “God”.

I believe that there is/are (a) divine entity/-ies that has/have been governing all universes since the day that Big Bang happened (or even before Big Bang happened). I believe that his/her/their knowledge, power and abilities are way beyond the our human capabilities. Also, great minds like Albert Einstein, Nicholas Copernicus, Galileo Galilei, Sir Francis Bacon, Johannes Kepler, Rene Descartes, Isaac Newton, Robert Boyle, Michael Faraday, Gregor Mendel, William Thomson Kelvin and Max Planck all believed on a divine entity. Some of them executed/punished because they opposed the “sacred” belief of the Catholic Church.

We, Catholics, go to Mass every Sunday, and this is an obligation or we will sin against our God. We need to spend at least one hour of our lives every week in churches listening to the never ending scriptures of Jesus Christ, how He is a loving, merciful, bold, selfless and firm God. Priests rant on and on for countless hours sharing their life experiences or political events or global crises and relate it to how to be a “good” Christian or how can we please our God.

Based on Dr. Michio Kaku’s books (Hyperspace, Parallel Worlds, etc.), there exist N-dimensional worlds, where N is a positive integer (and so far as theoretical physics research is concerned, there have been only 11 dimensions found possible to exist through extensive mathematical calculations, but not eliminating the possibility of existence of higher dimensions). We humans, live in a 3-dimensional world where everything has length, breadth and depth. We are locked in this dimension. Anything that comes in from higher dimensions seems magical, profound or mystical because our 3 dimensional brains cannot comprehend objects that comes from higher dimensional worlds. Dr. Kaku and other physicists always makes this idea parallel to “Flatlanders” (2 dimensional creatures who does not have a concept or picture of what is a 3 dimensional object, that if one flatlander was peeled out of its 2-D world and placed on a 3-D world, everything would seem fantastically impossible yet amusing and magical).

Now I came to think of it, maybe heaven and hell are located in higher dimensions, maybe God lives in an infinite dimensional world. Where the equations of the physical laws of nature are in it is own “habitat”, elegant and majestic, all four forces that governs our universe are unified (In a 3-D world, Dr. Kaku explains, that all of the physical laws of nature can be compared to an animal which was captured from the wilds and locked up in a zoo. In the wilds, an animal could be in its most elegant and majestic stature, like a cheetah or an antelope, but when it is locked up in a zoo we won’t see a cheetah run 100 kilometers per hour because it has no where to run and we won’t see an antelope gallop through the sun-grazed grass because its locked up in a dingy man-made “habitat”, this is the same for the physical laws of nature only in higher dimensions we can see its elegance and majesty).

As I have said, maybe God lives in an infinite dimensional world and maybe that is why He is regarded as omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. I also said that in higher dimensional worlds, beings that thrive in these universes may be way past our capabilities as humans, super-humans as regarded by many (beings that can pass trough walls, x-ray visions, mind reading, etc.). Maybe that is why He is called a “God” in our 3-D world because He can do feats that seems impossible for us but is trivial to Him and He can travel back and forth in time without disturbing our beloved 3-D world.

Maybe the reason why we don’t see God because He is a higher form of a human being and he lives in an infinite dimensional world which we are not able to visualize because of the limitations of our 3-D brains and maybe the reason why we don’t see God is because he is smart enough not to meddle with our businesses in the 3-D world.

I mean, who’s smart enough to meddle with the affairs of a world that is capable of destroying itself with one push of button? We have all the nuclear missiles, weaponry and stuff like that that can annihilate the whole human race.

So, maybe now you’re wondering what’s the point of me posting the picture of a girl praying.

I believe that there is a divine entity from higher dimensions that oversees us 3-D individuals but I don’t believe that this divine entity has anything to do with whatever is happening in the world, my life, your life and everyone’s lives. This divine entity is a passive observer. Take for example, again, the flatlanders, say they all have the nuclear weaponry that can vanquish all life in flatland and they have a “god” which resides in a higher dimension, say 3-D, would you still want to meddle with their affairs? (Think of this from unbiased point of view; you are not a human and you don’t believe on anything because you are a “god”) So, no matter how many times we pray, call His/Her name, no matter how many times we attend the mass, no matter how many times you attend youth camps, no matter how many times you say that “let Your will be done”, I believe that nothing will ever happen because God is smart enough not to meddle with our 3-D affairs.

Side Note: I hate how the Church uses religion to get all poor, desperate and uneducated people to put their hope on God and God alone because they say that if they do their best, God will do the rest. What if their best is not enough? Will God still do the rest? The Church is giving these people false hopes instead of encouraging them to get jobs, give workshops and education for them and giving them all the activities to improve their well-being, after all many Catholics give money to the Church every Sunday and there isn’t only one mass every Sunday, there are maximum of six so they don’t have an excuse for not having enough funds to fund all of these.

Now look at this second picture: “a little boy stealing money from someone’s purse”.

Alright he is a little boy, he doesn’t know what he is doing. He does not have an idea of what is right and what is wrong yet.

Yeah right. Don’t give me an excuse like that. This kid’s parents had have the choice to teach and guide him to become a good person (good person based on the societal level), but they did not choose to do that for some unexplained/unjustified reasons. A lot of people do that. They exercise their right to choose whatever they want to do with their lives but they don’t realize the consequences of their actions and how it can affect the people around them

We all know that a simple misguided act like this can lead to disastrous or unfortunate turn of events. It’s like determinism or the Chaos Theory or the Butterfly effect. Even if its not a misguided act at all, just minding our own business and doing our routines. Someone somewhere in the world is getting hurt or promotions in their work or divorces, anything.

Choices are made everyday.  We make choices on what to eat, what to wear, what to do, what to say, what to write, etc. but every choice that we make has consequences tagged along with it. We may not know it all the time because we humans are too self centered for the sake of others.

Let me give you an example from a movie of Tim Burton, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. There was a series of consequential scenes that depict that we hold each and everyone’s future and our own future for that matter.

Daisy, a ballerina, was doing a curtsy on the side of a street with her friend while on it she got hit by a cab and broke her leg in to five places. It wouldn’t have happened to her if the woman in the cab did not forget her comb and answered a call while on her way to a plaza to shop. It wouldn’t have happened to her if the taxi driver did not stop for a coffee break and did not pick up that woman who was going to the plaza. It wouldn’t have happened to her if they did not stop in a shop and if the package that the woman was about to pick up from a store was already packed. It wouldn’t have happened to her if the store clerk did not forget to pack the package that was supposed to be picked up. It wouldn’t have happened to her if the store clerk did not forget to pack the package and she and her boyfriend are still together.

The cab would have just passed through that street without hitting Daisy while doing her gracious curtsy.

Our actions affect everyone. Even though its not apparent. We fail to foresee the outcome of our actions (We can never know to be honest).

So at this point I want to connect picture 1 and picture 2.

We should not blame/praise a “God” or any divine entity for the misfortunes or goodness that comes through our lives because it is not their doing they are far superior to meddle with the affairs of us 3-D people. It is our own doing not them.

It is not God’s fault that you’re failing university. You made the choice to go to university and you made the choice not to study.

It is not God’s fault that their is hunger and poverty around the world. It is the corrupt officials’ fault and the people’s fault too. They chose to elect these kinds of officials and these officials chose to get the public’s money to themselves.

It is not God’s will that you got a promotion today. It was you who made a choice to work hard for your family and friends.

It is not God’s will that the economy is out of recession and is slowly recovering. It is the efforts of the intelligent individuals who brought us out of it.

It is not God’s fault that you are in prison right now. It was you who made the choice to do crimes.

God has nothing to do with us humans down here. It is our own choice that determines our own destiny. No matter how you pray and ask for help, in the end it is by your own effort that you have accomplished/done something be it a good thing or a bad thing.

Almost everyone from my high school in the Philippines is posting a lot of old pictures: Class pictures, random happenings, events, baby pictures, field trips and what-nots. These pictures are roughly 3 to 15 years old. Dates back when I was still in kindergarten. I can still vividly remember my student number for 12 years (9400157), my advisers, my class sections, the places me and my friends used to hang out and what we do during our lunch and breaks, mischiefs and (my oh my) my crushes.

Name: Karl Benedict C. Magtibay

Student Number: 9400157

Batch: 2006

Address: Ph 4-a Blk 1 Lot 52 Pacita Complex San Pedro Laguna

Contact Number: 847-60-62

In case of emergency contact: Joel/Evangeline Magtibay

SK – Milan 1994-1995 Ms. Ruth Lanes

Was I so psyched about going to school, meeting new friends, having new playmates and just get rowdy all day. I learned how to spell my name, read, write, identify colors, spell 3-letter words and learned how to color pictures on the coloring book with out getting out of line and with single-stroke coloring. I remember seeing my adviser putting on some baby powder (which she got from one of our grooming kits) on her armpits, I dunno, maybe deodorants haven’t been invented yet? but I’m pretty sure there was some kind of deodorant on the markets already back in the day. And I remember my 1st crush, her name was Gladys but I can’t remember  her last name. Why? because I was a kid! who cares what her last name was? All I cared about were my G.I. Joe toys, matchbox and anime in the afternoon!

Preparatory – Valerius 1995-1996 Ms. Victoria Wendam-Fornolles

I remember prep was a horrible year for me. I had this subject called “HEKASI” (Heograpiya, Kasaysayan at Sibika – Geography, History and Civics [funny how they cramped 3 Canadian-grade-school courses into one and give it to a prep student, oh budget cuts, you don't seem to cease to amuse me]). It was just hell. So I said “Screw this, I’m playing” but I still got honors when I graduated. LOL. And about my crush, I remember it was Angelica. Never really paid attention to her because my mom said she was ugly and I was too busy playing my nintendo trying to finish mario and its “hardest level” or trying to fire at that freakishly annoying dog at duck hunt. Oh yeah, I got kicked out of class once. LOL

Grade 1 – Severus 1996-1997 Ms. Ruth Lanes (Again)

Ah this is when things started to get interesting, I met George and we became best friends for a couple of years. You can usually find us at the playground, smudges of rust on our polos, being sweaty little bastards and running around the class rooms and climbing windows pretending we’re spiderman. I remember I still had a crush on Angelica but it was gone soon after.

Grade 2 – Varro 1997-1998 Mrs. Olivera/Ms. Almonte

I remember Mrs. Olivera passed away in 1998 and everyone was pretending that they’re sad, but all I know is that their hearts are jumping for joy because that teacher was a terror (R.I.P.). Like literally, she’ll hurt you if she ever gets the chance. I remember me, Robert and Harold used to play with those exploding tetrapacks and we had so much fun with explosions, we blew up one toilet bowl in the boys’ washroom with a fire cracker. LOL . We we’re never caught. I remember I had a crush on a girl named Lois because she was really cute, but I never talked to her, I was busy getting some toilet bowl wrecked.

Grade 3 – Vindicianus 1998-1999 Ms. Emy Tano

Oh my, this is the time when things got pretty serious. I had this huge crush with a girl named Ashely. Her last name was Pepa (I think she was Italian). Apparently she also had a crush on me, so I was like “Great!”, so I became her little escort, helping her carry her bag, helping her with homework and stuff like that. When people from higher years make fun of her and change her last name’s spelling from “Pepa” to “Pepe (which means vagina in tagalog)” I felt furious but I can’t do anything, those people are bigger and stronger than me, they can tear me into pieces! So yeah, we both really had a good year but eventually she had to move to the states to be with her dad and that was the last time I heard from her. I got sad for days (that’s like a whole month in kids-time), disappointed. Good thing I have my PSX and resident evil 2 to get my mind off her (sorry, I have to.. LOL!!).

Grade 4 – St. Isidore1999-2000 Ms. Fe Bautista

Alright, so this was the year and other years after this, that I got more serious with my studies as well as with girls (serious with girls in kids-time is when you start holding a girl’s hand and getting a kiss on the cheek from this girl, that’s like having sex at that stage). During this year I met Mariel. In my eyes, she was the greatest, most beautiful living creature I’ve ever laid eyes on but every so often I get a snap back to reality and notice that she sometimes have boogers looking straight at me but other than that, she’s perfect. I never made a move on her that year because I was too busy collecting pokemon figures and making money out of my classmates by drawing them their favorite pokemon.

Grade 5 – St. Ignatius 2000-2001 Ms. Pearl Joy Librero

I was placed in the rowdiest class in all 5th grade. Pokemon figures and cards are hit. These were the days of the Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Slapschock, Eminem and all of those unpleasant noises. I learned how to skip class, disrepect teachers, not do my homework, do my projects last minute, and stuff like that. But the highlight of this year was this, I got my 1st, my very very 1st letter from Mariel, my very 1st letter from a girl (I’m still keeping this letter up to this day). I remember it was at in front of the library where she gave me this letter. oh my. I can still remember my own reaction. LOL (side happening: Johann, who apparently had a crush on me sent me a letter saying “I love you” in caps (I still have this one, too))

Grade 6 – St. Ezekiel Mrs. 2001-2002 Mrs. Marilyn Avancenia

Oh man! this year was the funniest! Okay, I still had a crush on Mariel but I was losing hope so I turned to Kriselda who eventually had a boyfriend a year after and was trying to hunt me down and kill me for being so persistent about his girlfriend and how I made a dirty joke that made her boyfriend mad at me and went to my school the day after to cut me into pieces (it never happened, he’s a pussy). Then Jade (was a good friend of mine), who apparently had a crush on me and we had a very serious talk (serious talk in kids-time is like me having a big problem and its unsolvable but only if I do this) in one of those empty classrooms after classes. She cried and asked me a bunch of questions that I don’t even remember. She sent me a letter for my retreat (which I still have) saying that if there’s anything she can do for me don’t hesitate to ask. But eventually, she found out that she does not have a crush on me anymore (magic eh?) and she has moved on. So I’m like a bit of both “Ok?” and “Yes!” because I never really liked her, I’m a great pretender eh?. LOL

1st Year Highschool – St. John the Good 2002 – 2003 Ms. May Arcigal

Nice. Highschool freshman. Color of green. Color of MJ. The color of being high and stupid (Note: I did not smoke any illegal substance while I was in highschool, it’s metaphorical). So I was till pursuing Mariel, but it was dying. Like, we barely talk and hang-out, so what else is there to do? So I ditched all those “feelings” I’ve been feeling for her for the past 2 years and focused on my studies for quite sometime, but then I met Charlotte. Physically, She had a huge rack but overall she’s “Ok”. She’s very hard working and have all the smarts I was looking for. Again, I never really had the plain intention of getting her as my girlfriend, I was focused more on my studies and on the competition that I was trying to win from her because she was beating me in academics. Damn that woman! Oh yeah, did I mention that I almost got suspended because of pornography (LOL) and Johann gave me a condom and a stuff toy for a birthday gift that year (What did she expect me to do with it? Hump the stuff toy while I have the condom on so it won’t get pregnant? jeez!).

2nd Year Highschool – Bl. Magdalene of Albrici 2003-2004 Mrs. Teresita Delo Santos

This was the year when I got my very first “Eagle” in highschool (It’s like an award for a very high GPA). I was elected as a president of our section (more like a teacher’s assistant when they’re feeling lazy and they don’t want to go to class, we were once tasked to have the whole section do a seatwork plus a homework with which we don’t have any clue about which everyone hated). This time I was pursuing Charlotte to be my girlfriend but she was so annoyed on how I approached her, she just stopped talking to me, and pretty much she owned me on academics because her GPA is like light years away from mine. At the end of that year, I blew up the chance of being in the cream section by not studying for the finals, because I heard they were all boring in there.

3rd Year High School – St. Nicholas of Tolentine 2004-2005 Ms. Teresita Garcia

Okay, with regards to my classroom and classmates I barely remember any highlights when I was in this year. But stuff pertaining to myself, there’s a huge amount of Stabillo highlighter ink on this page of mine. I was running as a treasurer for the student body in my high school. Together with my party members, we we’re campagning all day. Classroom to classroom forcing them to listen to our platforms and crap like that. We did not do all the stuff that we said, but hey, we got good feedback from the noobies. Also, halfway through the year was when I met my girlfriend for 3 straight years. My very 1st girlfriend. My very 1st “serious” girlfriend (LOL). The name’s Kristine. Our relationship was “Ok” pretty much on a teenage scale. (I’ll skip the details of this topic and have a new entry for it, check this one out soon). We broke up because I have to go to Canada to immigrate. She has a daughter now. She’s only 18. Living with her “husband” under her “mother-in-law”‘s house. Sad ending for her.

4th Year High School – St. Monica 2005-2006 Mr. Ferdinand Bondoy

Although we call our adviser “Sir” or “Mr.”, He’s totally gay and to add to that he’s weird. He puts on his lipgloss heavily on that crap ridden lips of his and he makes this random siezures act that totally freaks the hell out of me. This year, I was officially seated as the treasurer of the student body and to be honest I did some pretty nasty stuff with the money we have collected from the noobies. I think I spent almost P1000.oo on the money that we had. This is why, debit cards and bank accounts should be implemented on every student body in any high school in the Philippines. After my term, I told and promised myself, I won’t go in to politics ever again. I’ve become what I’ve been fighting against. And on the love life, we were going “strong” as a teenager would say it. We were all being mushy talking about marriage and talking about sex, and talking about kids; endless nonsensical stuff that will go on for hours and hours and hours, and this went on for 1 more year; 1 more year of drama and mushiness. Now that I’m thinking of it, I can say “That’s so stupid!”. Ah whatever, that’s behind us all now, I have a life and she has a life of her own already, so its quits I would say.

-That’s a pretty long entry there. Damn.