A deep breath

so, it has been what, 7 days? since I finished my last exam. pretty much nothing has changed since day one. I’ve been really bored. bored out of my mind. All I’ve been doing these days are prowling on the University website, browsing though Blackboard (waiting anxiously for any improvement on my grades. Bellcurves, yeah), going on and out of facebook waiting for something or someone to post something interesting (might be a good convo starter you know), emailing my professors for next sem asking about the title of the reference books that we’re gonna be using, talking to few people (giving advices, talking about experiences and stuff, but they rarely come online, even if they seldomly say hi), and pretty much sitting infront of my laptop everyday waiting for jan 6 (school starts!).

“You need to have a life”, a lot of people tell me this.

Yeah, that is true. I need to have a life. But how can you need something, when you already have it? I already have a life. I found my life in books, in computers, in robots, in engineering, in school. I found my life in helping others in their success in the academia. Although, telling these things to them won’t make them consider those as life, I don’t really care. One person even said that he finds it ‘disgusting’ that I want to bury myself with books and work and how I’m wanting to go to school really bad.Over the years and considering the frequency of these things being thrown at me, I learned not to care. A very good friend of mine said that ‘.. yeah but that can still leave a sting’, she’s right. It does. I learned not to care but that does not mean that I’m going to be impervious to its side effects.

Just recently, I saw a sneak peek of my grades for the fall semester and I was quite devastated to find out that my GPA went down by 0.11 (from 3.2 to 3.09). There are two major reasons why I got really saddened by this small GPA drop (and I still am):

1) I worked my ass off this semester (as you can tell, no updates for four months). I was even at
the verge of completely separating myself to the outside world. I’m not very smart and I’m not a quick learner so I need a lot of time to study and practice. So, it’s just really devastating to see my GPA drop considering the amount of effort I put in. I guess I’m a very inefficient machine when it comes to information storage and logic.

2) This for sure will cost me a spot in med school. I mean, I was at 3.2, I was .3 away from a 3.5 (minimum average to get in to the med school I’m aiming for), turned out that when I worked harder I even got pulled back instead of advancing. Now, im at 3.09 which is like .41 from the minimum. Studying medicine and being able to help people with science is my life long dream it would be really really devastating not to get in (Although I still have the option of teaching which I love to do as well, but getting in to medicine would be really really awesome).

Yes you may tell me that its not a lot, I can still get that 0.11 or even higher next semester, but the work involved in getting that 0.11 back, is really brutal.

But I’m still determined. I’m gonna get that 0.11 back, whatever it takes. I’m gonna get into med school no matter what!